For many years, I operated under the illusion that I could make good decisions on the fly and was simultaneously frustrated that I wasn’t getting the results I was looking for. I never realized the two were connected.
Cue the virtual 2×4 across my forehead.
It easily ranks as one of my top 5 self truths. Let’s break this down.
First, we have to acknowledge that we don’t often make rational, logical decisions. Instead, our decisions are heavily (even primarily) influenced by the design of the question itself.
Disagree?
Here are some examples . . .
More than anything, I am reminded about how easy it is to live in default mode.
For me, that mode is primarily reactive, but easily justified to friends and family. It can sound like I’m still making good decisions, but there’s a fallacy there. It typically doesn’t represent conscious choices. Instead, it’s an agreement to stay with the herd and follow the rules. It’s almost completely fueled by fear of some sort.
The scariest part is that it was so hard for me to recognize that I was living this way.
Two weeks ago, it hit me. The feeling had been brewing for months or even years, but April 12 was different. It was as if I woke up with a new pair of glasses and could see clearly for the first time.
I started a journey, without knowing how it would end. I made some progress, and then I stumbled. I failed at my first attempt and had 500+ miles of driving to reflect. I’m proud to say that I won the mental battle this time. And I think I’m stronger for it.
I completed the one thing that I hadn’t been able to do for myself, despite years of positive intent and hundreds of hours of thought and effort.
I had to ask, “What made the difference this time?”
Two things . . .
About two weeks ago, I called myself out. I realized I’d been living scared and mapped out a plan to get past it.
I set a deadline for yesterday at 2:00pm, and I told people I’d pay them to hold me accountable. 16 people took me up on the offer. I just sent out $160 in payments, and it didn’t feel good at all. It also doesn’t feel good to miss a deadline, no matter the story.
In case you’re wondering, here’s what happened.
I can’t explain it, but I can feel it.
There’s a tremendous resistance when I try to make progress in certain directions.
For several weeks, I was even aware enough to identify it, but it still blocked my progress. And then on Thursday, I awoke to a thunderous crack in that wall of resistance.
Today, I woke up.
Thirty minutes before my alarm would have gone off at 5:20, I sat straight up in bed. I had instant clarity.
I’ve been living scared, and it’s cost me.
Some of you may be surprised at that statement.
I can fake it pretty well. Since I was 21, I’ve called myself an entrepreneur. I’ve started and owned over a dozen businesses. Some quite successful, some so-so, and several flops. And now I know exactly why: fear.
Earlier this year, I decided to read books differently. Instead of just plowing through them, I would pause and recap what I learned from each and how I could apply the lessons to my own life.
Simply put, that’s tougher than it sounds. I thought I could do a book a week, but I think half of that is a more realistic goal. (And I’m already a few behind of that pace, but I think I can catch up with some books already in progress.)
In January, I read Ikigai by Sebastian Marshall.
Last month, I finished Start With Why by Simon Sinek.
Back in October, I circled today’s date on the calendar. Knowing that the next few months would be incredibly intense, I decided to opt-out of the traditional New Year’s planning process, deferring it until I reached a natural pause in my schedule.
In fact, I had no idea how true that would be.
From Halloween through to February, the rest days were few and far between. I justified my growing addiction to Monster Rehab and the spaced-out hours of television that creeped back into my schedule. And then my body simply gave out.
Falling down sucks, particularly if you’ve climbed a little higher since the last time you fell down. It hurts more. The bruises and scrapes are little deeper.
Then the mental games begin. And they’re far worse than the physical ones.
It feels like being stuck in mud as far as you can see. It takes all your strength to simply stand up, and then there’s no clear path out. It’s frustrating and exhausting.
What to do?
Sometimes the greatest obstacle to moving forward is looking backwards. We cling to the memories of our good ‘ol days, linking our identity to a past success.
Maybe it was winning an athletic championship in high school or college, or maybe even a single incredible play. Maybe it was a position with inside access to movers and shakers. Maybe it was a work project that mirrored the case studies you read in college. Maybe it was earning more than you’d ever dreamed of for a period of time.
We often talk of learning from our failures and putting them behind us. The same is true of our successes.
Here are three ways success can be a trap, and how to escape them.
For most of my twenties, I had horrible pain in my hands and forearms. Sometimes it was a steady ache, sometimes a shooting pain, and sometimes it just felt like I was on fire from the elbows down. I’ve had all the tests and lived on Celebrex for a while. (Whoever invented the test for Carpal Tunnel Syndrome deserves a special episode of Alias just for them.) It really was never diagnosed as anything specific, and I eventually quit seeking traditional medical care for it.
Once I started working out regularly and eating better, it mostly went away.
Until the last ten days or so.
